A new series on doubt...
It feels like an unforgivable sin. A bad taste in my mouth. A disappointment.
But it's real. I feel it, and maybe you do, too. Things that once seemed so real and convincing now feel impossible to swallow.
To be honest, I used to despise people who I knew used to be Christians but had "fallen away from the Church." That phrase "fallen away" is so funny to me now, because it implies that they had no agency in the matter. Like the ground slipped out from underneath them, and they, screaming out for help, "stumbled." I suppose this makes it easier to forgive and accept them when they "find their way back." It wasn't their fault after all. Blame it on the Devil. He likely tricked them...
Now, having run away from the church with my own two feet, it seems so clear to me now. So many of us "doubters" chose this fate. And I remember what I used to think about people who "harbored" doubt in their hearts (as if doubt was an enemy allowed to cross the line of war). I thought of them like traitors. How, I wondered, could you ever turn away from what we know to be true?
What Paul wrote in Corinthians is what I'm feeling now. Doubt is not something that traitors feel. Doubt is a part of life. In fact, I welcome it now as a I sign of my growth.
I still believe in God.
Just not the God of my youth.
Things are unclear to me now, but I have faith that one day, I will see more clearly. Just as God sees me clearly.
I am starting a new series on doubt. I hope you join me for discussion about this topic that doesn't have to be labeled as evil, scary, or a sign of weakness. Doubt is a sign we care. We tend to things we care about. We make sure all is in order. We polish, we trim, we change. I'm looking forward to bringing this important topic out into the light. I hope you come along with me!